The Vertex of my Lifespan..

.Sorry for the piracy of the picture.

Change topic for a while, lemme tell ya the hottest update on me. A negative news, or whatever.. If you we're my friend, then surely you know what it is (90% of my friends know her).. These days, sooo depressed... So lazy -comfortable by just taking a nap the whole day, not interested to go out and chill with my friends, even in the computer shop, I never went since May 27, 2008 and It's been about 1 week. Don't know why i have to be like this but my heart, evaded my mind, ordering my body to be depressed. Yes, i don't want to be blue like this, wanna do something that can forget these things even temporarily, but I always fail. Always walking around with my head down, sit up all night thinkin' bout her plus sleepin' soooo late in the morning.

Important Events : Brief Updates

May 26, 2008, the Anniversary of the day we've met -May 26 2007.
When i woke up around 9am, as a habit, first I checked my cellphone and it was weird because it was turned off -I remember, it has about 5/7 bars of battery- so I turned it on. OMG! I have 132 missed calls and several text messages. I think it's just a sort of bug or error on my cellphone. The culprit is only one, whose the number is unknown. Then I've read the new messages tellin' that she's Steph from this unknown number. I didn't believe because the handwriting of the message was a bit different but then she called me again and that was the 133rd time -now i'm able to answer it- that made me believe that she was Steph. Asked her if she remember something, and yes she does -probably it was the reason for her come back to me. Minutes passed, she told me she was sleepy ^^ -her night was sleepless because of calling me the whole sleeping hours so we cut the conversation. Those days, we we're so active communicating each other. We were exchanging "What's up"s, "How are you"s, etc. But then, about night times, her mood suddenly changed.
Told that she remembered something I've done in the past.
The weird thing is, the message that she texted to me was exactly the same message she texted when she was mad to me for the long time. Maybe she remembered it when she saw it on her Sent Messages. Probably, Saw it, got mad, and forwarded to me. I was totally trying to explain everything, that maybe it was just because of my immaturity -that never knew/thought her reaction before I make the move.
The main problem is, I almost two-timed her.
Embarrassing right?!
Who the hell I am to hurt a princess? And now that I'm ready for the serious relationship, I've lost her.
The last thing I can do is wait for her.
Then, her temper steamed... Since then, she was ignoring me. The next day, May 27 2008, It was my classmate's birthday -Kaetlyn's. Alcohol is the main event of her birthday. Logically, a man with a problem facing the Generous -Generoso- in front of him, got tipsy. Yes, they all know my problem, I'm an open person.


As always, I'm still textin' her... Hoping that we can fix this thing.. Trying to apologize...
She didn't reply except the goodbye words like this:
*Find a new girl, never include me please..*
Such a spear pierced on my chest.

Until now, June 1, around 2am i beeped her.. Just a question, that if she doesn't really love me anymore. Yes, i know it's weird. A confident question?! No, but a confirmation question instead. I want to confirm my negative interpretation. Then she answered,
*Yes, I don't love you anymore..*.
And it's... -Whoa- confirmed. I replied
*Oh, thanks . . .*
then no reply at all. It's weird, my eyes are wet like i've just washed my face a while ago. And i can feel the warmth of it.. Don't know what's next..



This is the very first time that 100% of Joshua loved someone. Yea it's true. She, who Stephed the 4/15 years of my life. Other details maybe on the sequence, vacation times before being a third year. Til here, ChouT!

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Article made on June 1, posted on June 2.
~~. Josh

Chill out!